author Kristin Helms

A Letter to My Children

Dearest Blake and Gavin,

I thought I had my black and white world tabulated and justified before we met.  But you both arrived with vibrant colors that painted a new life meaning and forced me to rebuild myself from the ground up. You made me a better person. You looked to me for love, nurturing and lessons; I looked to you for purpose, pride, and joy. We each found all of that and more in each other. You’ve taught me more about life than I could have ever possibly taught you in just four short years. Through your curious eyes, I saw the world anew, in it’s most perfect form—a beautiful masterpiece—and it awakened my soul.

Blake, my sweet vibrant girl: You made me a mother. We both embarked on this journey without a roadmap or a sense of direction, but we found our footing, our stride, together. You are growing up with so much strength, joy, and a zest for life that constantly reminds me to also channel my own zest. You’re smart, funny, and beautiful—a charming combination that leaves the world waiting for you at your fingertips, ready to mold it into whatever you want it to be. I know you’ll use your powers for good because you also have a sweet soul. You’re my sparkler on the 4th of July, the confetti that dances through the air on New Year’s Eve, and the song on the radio you turn up really loud because it makes your heart happy.

Gavin, my precious baby boy: I was more seasoned in my mothering when we first began but that didn’t make me any more prepared for your unique presence. I thought my heart had reached capacity, but then you landed in our lives and expanded it in ways I didn’t know possible. You’re strong but choose to be gentle, which means you already know your own power and how to control it. And I feel your independence skyrocketing. Your curiosity for life, sparked. You are my first boy and my last baby—a special combination that leaves me learning and reminiscing at the same time. You light up the darkest of rooms and all of our hearts with your smile and sweet demeanor—the last perfect piece to our kindred puzzle. You’re a warm summer night, the mellow sunset nestling into the sea, and the sweet song lyrics that make your soul dance.

Kiddos, I’ve tried to grasp every moment as it passes us by (God knows I’ve taken enough photos to last us a lifetime) but somehow the days have melted into months and then years, and time escapes through my fingertips like pixie dust on lease. I’ve tried to sweep up the magic and hold onto it tight, but I’ve realized it’s not mine to keep. It’s yours — your time and your life—and the world awaits! So keep growing, keep thriving. I’m right behind you when you need me.

Thank you for loving me beyond measure, without judgment or exception. I would say I love you to the moon, but my love for you is so much bigger than this world, or galaxy, or any other calculation of time and space. You are the air in my lungs, the happiness in my heart, and the purpose in my existence. Thank you for this life.